“Behind the Little Lie” – What Your Child is Really Trying to Tell You

Kids who lie aren't necessarily "bad" kids

Here's a breakdown of some common reasons:

Early Childhood (Ages 2-5) 

1. Avoiding Trouble

They’re scared of punishment.

Example: Saying “I didn’t break the vase” because they think telling the truth will get them into trouble.

2. Testing Boundaries

Children sometimes lie to see what happens. It’s a way of learning about rules and consequences.

3. Imagination vs. Deception

Younger children sometimes mix fantasy with reality. They can't always tell what's real and what's not. A story about a dragon feels real to them.

Middle Childhood (Ages 6-12)

1. Wanting Attention 

They might make up stories to seem impressive or more interesting.

Example: Saying “I have a pet snake at home” to make friends excited.

2. To Fit In
They might lie about what they own, or their experiences to seem more like their friends.

3. To Protect Someone Else
A child might lie to cover for a sibling or a friend to prevent them from getting in trouble.

Example: Saying “He didn’t push me” when they don’t want a friend to get punished.

4. Avoiding Disappointment
They may lie because they don’t want to let parents, teachers, or friends down.

Example: A child who didn't do their homework might lie and say they did to avoid disappointing a parent or teacher.

What Parents Can Do

Focus on the "Why": Instead of only punishing a lie, try to understand why your child told it. For example, if they lied because they were afraid of getting in trouble, talk about both the lie and their fear.

Distinguish Between Lying and Fantasy: For very young children, it's important to gently guide them from fantasy to reality without shaming them. You can say things like, "That's a great story about the dragon, but in the real world, we don't have dragons in our backyard."

Talk About Honesty: Have open conversations about the importance of telling the truth and the consequences of lying. Let your child know that lying is wrong, but also that you will always be there to listen and help them solve problems.

Model Honest Behavior: Children learn by example. Be truthful yourself, and admit when you make a mistake.